Friday, April 4, 2008

Text Speak is the future (the future is dumb).

No new posts since November.

I look just like Gerard Depardieu.

I have a headache.

I have to try again next week, this is not working out.

I don't have time for any of this.

When I am posting on this blog my shoulders get all tense because they know that my life is slipping away and being wasted.

I'd hate to know how tense YOUR shoulders must be while you are reading this.

You are HARD-CORE wasting your life right now!

Hurry! Go and recycle something.....ahhhhhh. That's better.

Now, go and look up some more shirtless pictures of Barack Obama. It seems to be the only thing that fulfills you anymore.

I feel like buying something and throwing it away.

Those little five year old miners in Africa are getting lazy!!! Cute! All mining for iron in their little hats and kid-size picks.

Sarah and I have decided to go on a budget but we already don't really spend that much money so we're thinking about getting rid of health this a good idea? Discuss.

We could also just stop taking our kitty cats to the vet.

P.S. I don't really think children mining for Iron in Africa is cute. I had to put that in there because the Internet is crawling with idiots who take everything literally then get all self righteous and start calling everyone gay in modern text speak. UR a rcist homo bstrd! IM bttr thn U! Reed a buk!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Me and Depardieu


Flu shot

Ow! My arm hurts!

flu shot




(I feel sick).

Why did you let this happen?

I believed you when you said......

At least! It wasn't!


Monday, October 22, 2007


I looked up the word genius today because it looked so strange.
I looked up the word butt today because I love butts.
I will share with you my results........
I scanned 55 pages of google images and found few actual butts but several actual Butts:

Puppy Butts
Gun Butts
Cigarette Butts, no ifs ands or butts.
John, Donna, Carter, Cindy, Ruby, Ross.
Mary Butts (she drank with Hemingway),
Sandy Butts (on the beach).
Dizzy, dusted butts?
Pamela, Marcus, Carolyn,
Gladys, David Leon.
Major Butts (he died on the Titanic) and
Calvin (he's a doctor).
Freeze your butt, up your butt, spank your butt, kick your butt.
Pork Butt
I like BIG butt.

Now the word butt looks weird to me too.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I am paralyzed.

I was so happy and carefree in my last post. I was giddy with the idea of total creative freedom. Now i can't even bring myself to log on. What was I thinking? POETRY?!

Is that Jesus in the picture? I think he's helping me while I lie helpless in that weird suspended cot. I am impotent and Jesus is helping me rise...did that come out dirty? I didn't mean it. Who are all of those people out in the audience? Why is there an audience? Why are all of you staring at my limp and lifeless blog?!!!! Look away! This is between me and Jesus! Give me back my dignity for God's sake!

Poetry has broken me...........

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I needed a hobby.

Ohhhhh! A hobby!
I am going to write poetry and post it here and you guys can tear it apart!
I don't care what you say because I'm not a poet....I don't want to be a poet! I want something that I can do creatively that I am not trying to turn into a gah-dag career. You know what? I'm not gonna spend one dime trying to get better at it either. And if nobody reads it....guess what?....I don't care. I'm free! Free! Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!